I have alluded to this but I haven’t talked about it. The truth of the matter is that I am both terrified and ashamed. I have these grandiose ideas to go travel the country and throw caution to the wind – and I am a LEO and in the truest sense of the word, scared of NOTHING. I will take any challenge, I will conquer any obstacle…. I give exactly ZF…… My whole life. I don’t need a trail thank you – I will blaze my own and I don’t really want to be bothered with advice. I am 40 years old now and things are just starting to sorta catch up to me, 2020 SUCKED MAJOR DONKEY BALLS… For ALL OF US. Well I had a nervous break down. over many things. In particular driving a 40 foot long 32,000 lbs coach hauling a full size truck. My ABSOLUTE worst fear is a tire blowout, I mean that much weight and momentum – People DIE from this….. And then it happened…. My worst fear…. You can scroll back in the blog entries and read all about it, but heres the part you wont read. I LOST it. I really did. I was afraid of the steering wheel and covered it up with a blanket. I had several panic attacks the final one landed me in the hospital with 185/110 BP borderline actual heart attack. And that was right after I got back to Holliday driving the coach a mere 1.2 hours from Ocala to Leesburg. I went to the emergency room. I have a $3,000 bill to show for it because my insurance SUCKS. I am on a payment plan – yay. at any rate I got referred to a doctor in the villages treating me for anxiety and also high blood pressure etc etc. I am at extreme risk for a major heart attack my cholesterol is through the freaking roof, I was severely deficient in many vitamins – and I am telling you these panic attacks are no freaking joke. They can last DAYS…… Try spending DAYS on the floor thinking you are about to die with your phone in hand to dial 911 if need be, heart racing, you can actually feel the blood pressure in your face. You feel your cheeks pulsating….. Your heart is about to explode and you know it.. Your gonna die. This is what I went through most of last year. And it wasn’t because of the camper but the camper sure didn’t help. If you remember before Rosie I took off in the old one on a one way trip from hell NY->FL and kissed the ground when I got there the breaks failing and parts falling off. I literally lost part of the drivers side wheel well somewhere in Georgia. Anyway this has been building. And its catching up with me. I WANT to go live on the open road and explore the country and do the life have a youtube and the whole nine but my Body just HATES this entire concept…. And so this is where we are now, I am settling down for a year with a permanent place ( also good logistically I can fix my DL get a passport yada yada things you cant do without an address ) and I am working with my doctors to correct the situation….. I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP on the dream ! ADUBZcrib is not dead. the “Next_Chapter” is a tricky widget because the goal post is always moving and even in the logo you find a pedometer in a perpetual state of forward motion. its not a place or a thing its a representation of forward movement. And sitting here writing this I realize it doesn’t even have to symbolize the road at all. It can simply stand for movement, change, growth – LIFE. So…. The Crib is parked for a little bit. I am seeing some doctors and figuring this all out…. But we are FAR from done my friends. please stay tuned….. The road has never stopped calling me. And it never will..